THE E-COLLAR BLUES by Shelby Gomez

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The E-Collar Blues Words and Music by Shelby Gomez (rated R for language) Oh I was such a bad boy I licked myself so raw That now I wear this E-collar And I can’t fit through the door… Oh I got the Eeeeeee-collar blues Oh yeah I shake and shake my head now But all to no avail I tried to drink some water And nearly drowned in the pail… Oh I got those Eeeeee-collar blues Oh yeah It’s hard to pee and poop now I cannot sniff the ground I scratch and try to pull it off But it follows me around Well, I got the Eeeeee-collar blues Oh yeah My friends they all have left me I scare them half to death This e-collar is so darn bad It’s worse than bad breath I got the Eeeeeee-collar blues Oh yeah I bump and thump and clobber The house is torn apart The vase, the lamp, the kitty cat It’s enough to break your heart I got the Eeeee-collar blues Oh yeah The doggie door is history I just can’t make it fit What do I do if I have to poo? Throw a hissy fit? I got the Eeeeeee-collar blues Oh yeah Folks do call me names now It makes me just see red It isn’t fair and I do care When they yell “Hey ConeHead” I got the Eeeeee-collar blues Oh yeah My mama ain’t so happy Her love I fear I’ll lose My collar hits the back of her legs Now she’s one big ugly bruise I got the Eeeeeee-collar blues Oh yeah Now if you’re really angry There’s one thing you can try Use your collar to scoop mud and poop It’ll make your Mama cry Now she’s got the Eeeeeee-collar blues Oh yeah There’s a moral to my story I tell you one and all The next time you have surgery Don’t lick your god-damn balls! I got those Eeeee-collar blues… The dirty…. Not purty…. E-collar bluuuues

When I was about 7 months old I went to this awful place for something called an OP-PURR-A-SHUN.  I heard the word NEW-TER, but didn't know what it meant.  I thought it would be just another fun ride in the car.  My mom left me at this place and I got scared I would never see her again.  And these strangers poked me all over and then I got really sleepy.   When I woke up I hurt in a place it's not polite to talk about.  My mom did come back and I couldn't wait to leave with her.  But the worst part was this stupid thing they put on my head.  It was horrible.  I didn't understand it and I wanted it off...NOW! My mom hated it too.  It caused all kinds of trouble.  We were so unhappy I just had to do something.  So I got out my trusty guitar and wrote "The E-Collar Blues".   I hope you enjoy it.   It sure did make us feel better. Please sing along to your favorite blues melody.