The Happy Dog's Bedtime Prayer

Now I lay me down to sleep,
The queen-size bed is soft and deep.
I sleep right in the center groove
My human being can hardly move!

I've trapped her legs,   
she's tucked in tight,
And here is where I pass the night.
No one disturbs me or dares intrude
Till morning comes and I want food!

I sneak up slowly and it begins
My nibbles on my human's chin.
She wakes up slowly and smiles and shouts,
"You darling beast! Just cut it out!"
But morning's here and it's time to play
I always seem to get my way.

So thank you, Lord, for giving me
This human person that I see
The one who hugs and holds me tight
and shares her bed with me at night!

- Author unknown

AN OPEN LETTER TO MY DOG AND CAT


Dear Dog and Cat,

When I say to move, it means go someplace else, not switch positions with each other so there are still two of
you in the way.

The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food.  The other dishes are mine and contain my
food.  Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate of food does not stake a claim for it becoming
your food dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack.  Beating me to the bottom is not the
object.  Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king-size bed. I am very sorry about this.  Do not think I will continue to
sleep on the couch to ensure your comfort.  Look at videos of dogs and cats sleeping.  They can actually curl
up in a ball.  It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent
possible.  I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to
maximize space used is nothing but sarcasm.

My compact discs are not miniature Frisbees.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom.  If by some miracle I beat you there and
manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob, or get your paw
under the edge and try to pull the door open.  I must exit through the same door I entered.  (In addition, I
have been using the bathroom for years... canine or feline attendance is not mandatory).

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dogs' or cats' butts.  I cannot stress this enough.  It
would be such a simple change for you.

To pacify you I have posted the following message on our front door:
"Rules for Non-pet owners who visit and like to complain about our pets:
1. They live here; you don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.
3. I like my pets better than I like most people.
4. To you it's an animal.  To me he and/or she is an adopted son and/or daughter who is short, hairy, walks
on all fours, and is speech challenged."

Dogs and cats are better than kids:  they eat less, don't ask for money all the time, are easier to train, usually
come when called, never drive your car, don't hang out with drug-using friends, don't drink or smoke, don't
worry about buying the latest fashions, don't wear your clothes, don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and
if they get pregnant, you can sell the results.


Today I am a Man…Sort of…
By
Shelby Gomez (Age 2)

Today I reached a milestone,
An important one for me.
Instead of squatting like a girl
I raised my leg to pee.

I really wasn’t thinking
As I hurried past that tree;
It just cried out for marking,
By someone just like me.

It’s really very easy;
Just lift and squeeze and squirt;
You can do it on a tree;
You can do it in the dirt.

It’s there for all who may come by;
It tells my own story;
It says this tree belongs to me;
It’s my terri-tory.

My mom got all excited;
But my sister Tramp just sniffed.
‘Hey buster’…she seemed to say…
‘You think you got a gift?’

She scratched the ground;
She moved her butt;
And then proved me a liar;
She raised HER leg and let it rip;
And hers was even HIGHER!

I stared at Tramp in disbelief;
I felt like such a fool.
She kicked some dirt right in my face;
Then walked away so cool.

And as she left she turned to me;
Eyes glinting like a jewel…
The lesson to remember…
In all things… Chicks Rule!
SOME OF OUR FAVORITE
WRITTEN WORDS


My Name is Gomez


Gomez was my first name,
Since I was just a pup,
A sound I heard long before
I ever did stand up.

It fits the little mustache,
That runs across my lip.
It fits the goofy things I do,
That make me such a rip.

“Gomez” came with lots of love,
with kisses, hugs and treats;
It made me smile, my eyes light up,
And dance on all four feet.

Then I came to live with you,
And you made a snap decision;
You seemed to hold “Gomez” up
To some sort of derision.

What could you have been thinking,
To change my name so fast.
I already had a perfect name,
That linked me to my past.

Oh no it’s not derision
It’s just that, well in truth,
“Gomez” is so silly, so wacky, such a goof.
Well, duh!, indeed I rest my case,
You need no further proof.

But Shelby’s such a sweet name;
It trips right off the tongue.
But does it really fit me,
When the day is done?

I know you like the cutie names,
The ones that end in eeee,
But I like the one that brings me back,
To happy memories.

And think about it logically,
Do I respond as well,
To “Shelby, Shelby, Shelby”,
Many times you have to yell.

My name is really Gomez,
A name I hold so proud.
And if I am to come to you.
Call “Gomez” out real loud.

Okay, okay, I get it.
Gomez it will be.
To see you smile is all I want.
Your happiness to see.

Woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo;
That’s Springer talk you know,
For hip, hip, hip hooray!
And whoopdie, odie, oh!

Oh, one more thing, dear puppy,
Now that we’ve made a pact,
When I call you “Gomez”,
You promise you’ll react?

Oh yeah, of course, I promise.
I’ll be the best I can.
‘Cause today my name is Gomez,
Gomez is who I am!